elizabethlevett

I have a thing about eggs. I mean, I think eggs are just a wonderful idea. Think of it. Chickens have spares and we get eggs. Hopefully, in most cases, from consenting chickens. But eggs are really marvelous. Consider the magic of meringue, the splendor of soufflé, the quintessence of quiche.

Now mind you, I don’t eat eggs every day. Cholesterol and all that. Plus, somebody has to grow up to be a chicken. Still, I’m not one of those strident dieters who eats the plain egg white with salad and throws away the lecithin-rich yolk. Never.

I love eggs. If they’re good. (But then, who doesn’t love anything if it’s good, right?) But I do believe strongly and I’ll tell you now, in the wrong hands the egg can become a tragedy, a disaster, a pathetic waste of time for all concerned – and a scandal for the hen.

Given that the widespread use of the egg in food all over the world is far too broad a field for today’s study, I’ll make the focus my thesis the importance of proper egg preparation at breakfast time or brunch.

Now clearly you have several ways to go – your over easy, your sunny side up, your opulent omelet, even your fabulous frittata. All of these are perfectly acceptable and it is not our purpose to debate the merits of each in this brief analysis. Let us then turn to the workhouse of the American breakfast – the scrambled egg.

Simple, you say. Falling off a log, you say. But no, I assure you, gentle reader, nothing could be farther from the truth. Indeed the perfect scrambled eggs require an art so sensitive, a science so exact, that we must pause. There is nothing more troubling to the weary traveler than waking to a plate of cold, dry, sullen, and over-cooked scrambled eggs. Too depressing to even imagine.

So put the coffee on, lay out some plates and festive napkins, cut some good, hearty brown bread for toast and draw up your kitchen chair while I reveal to your waiting heart the ancient and guarded secret of scrambled eggs that will make your palate quiver with joy.

First, get your eggs out of the frig right away. Do not leave it till the last minute as they are apt to shiver. Choose a couple of favorite additional ingredients to liven up the party lest your little ovoid friends must bear alone the burden of flavor. They simply aren’t up to the job. A little left over ham and some green onions along with some grated sharp cheddar is a winning combination. Or perhaps some crumbled goat cheese with greens – kale or delicate arugula could fit the bill.

A word of caution to any and all would-be scrambled experts, do not, I repeat in all earnest, do not add more than just a couple of ingredients. Nobody needs a challenge at  breakfast. That’s just not the point and it’s wrong for so many reasons. Your eggs should greet the hungry breakfaster with nourishment and reassurance. Your eggs should say, “We’re here. Everything’s going to be fine. You’ll see.”

Now as far as any ham you have laying around, be judicious. All you’ll need for a few eggs is a fistful cut into little cubes and warmed up in the pan. As to kale or arugula – these must be prepped a little. Kale must be massaged into submission and finely chopped. If you opt instead for arugula, feel free to give it a whirl in your pan just to wilt it down to size. Green onions are easy – I use kitchen scissors to lop off piles of little slices straight into the pan. Just don’t overcook these as you’ll want all of their character to come through at the crucial moment!

As to your pan, that’s something too. For years I cooked everything in a big old cast iron skillet. It cooks evenly and lasts for generations under proper treatment, but who wants to clean egg off an old iron skillet after breakfast? So much for tradition. I’ve found that the absolute best surface for cooking any kind of eggs is an enameled frying pan. Not some scary coated thing but lovely straight-up frying pan with clean enamel over iron. Turn the heat on low ahead of time so it gets warmed through before you add the butter. Pause again. Yes, butter. Yes, I have heard about duck fat. Who hasn’t? And yes, there’s always olive oil. But come on, these are eggs. They hold the potential for starting you off on the day’s important work. Let’s do this thing right. No fear. Butter. And the butter shouldn’t just be melted in order to be perfectly ready – it should sing. It needs just a few minutes before it’s soft white music begins while tiny bubbles form and explode into microscopic galaxies of flavor.

While all this magic is happening backstage, so to speak – crack those eggs and whip them up with an egg beater or a wire whisk. (Yeah, you just use a fork cause, what the hell. Yeah, fine. I’ll make the eggs.) Whip them into a positive lather – get some air into those eggs. Do add a few drops of cream or milk. Scrambled eggs are supposed to be little creamy after all.

Now I know you’re excited to get underway but we have to take just a moment to pause again for one little bit of obsession. It’s a family trait I’m afraid. As I was brought up, no egg meets beater or pan before the ritual removal of the little white wiggly thing that clings to the yolk in the bowl. This is easily accomplished using the edge of half an egg shell. I realize this seems fussy but it just has to be done.

Well then. All the backstage work has been accomplished, it’s show time. Stir up the extra ingredients in your pan and then gently pour in your gloriously foamy eggs. Anyone knows or should know that the secret to an omelet is in putting a cover on it so it gets nice and fluffy. The same holds true for our scramble. Put a lid on it. But just for a moment or two. Then you need to get things moving and keep them moving. A scramble can be a resentful thing – don’t leave it alone or it will give you the cold shoulder. Now here is the real alchemy – focus! You must pay attention to your scramble. Do not text and fry. Keep in mind there are three styles of scrambled eggs – under-cooked, over-cooked and Baby Bear’s Chair – Just Right! Err not on the side of worrying that your scramble will be under-cooked. Be instead vigilant against hard eggs at all times. As soon as they seem a bit less shiny – turn them off. Trust me – they’re probably still cooking even as you grab your plates. Meanwhile, your toast should be hot and buttery – yes, more butter – when placed alongside or even under your eggs. Voila! As nature and any self-respecting hen would intend – fluffy, creamy, flavorful, satisfying, glorious scrambled eggs.

There now. Pour your coffee and open your heart to the splendor and redemption of a good breakfast. Everything is going to be fine.